'trust yourself' | 

‘I have never been a smoker, so it never occurred to me that I could get lung cancer’

When Pamela Morrison (39) developed a cough last year, the Cork woman was prescribed cough medicine and reassured her that it was nothing to worry about. But her symptoms got worse, and the primary school teacher was sent for tests, which revealed Stage IV cancer

Pamela Morrison advises anyone who has any health concerns to trust themselves if they think something isn’t right

Pamela Morrison

‘I developed a cough about a year prior to diagnosis. It came and went, so I put it down to seasonal allergies, or long-Covid or something. It never stayed long enough for me to feel worried and it wasn’t very bad. I had also had a pain in my back, near my left shoulder blade for a few months before the cough began.

It became really persistent around mid-August and I made an appointment to see my doctor at the end of September, but unfortunately it was a locum who didn’t seem to take it seriously. I was told to go home, steam, gargle and take a cough bottle three times a day. Even though I had already been doing this, I was sent away with no further support.

My symptoms got worse and I developed awful pain in my ribs, but when I returned to the doctor, I was prescribed with codeine and more cough medicine. I cried and begged for further investigation, but wasn’t listened to. So I requested an appointment with my own doctor and when I saw him the following day, I was experiencing breathlessness and chronic fatigue so he sent me for an X-ray. Following this, I was referred for a CT scan and while waiting for it, my symptoms worsened and I was also losing weight rapidly.

I told the doctor that I was really struggling and he initially told me to wait until we got the CT results but then I developed blood spotting when I coughed, so he referred me to the Rapid Access Respiratory Clinic, but this appointment wasn’t for another month.

Days later, I coughed up a lot of blood and when I rang the surgery, I was told that my doctor wouldn’t be in for four days and would ring me then. It had been ingrained in me that A&E was for near-death situations and I didn’t see myself in that category, but looking back, I was in a dire situation. So a couple of days later, when I coughed up more blood, I rang the out-of-hours doctor service and was told to go to A&E immediately.

I thought I might have pneumonia and be put on antibiotics but the triage nurse was so kind and compassionate, and was shocked at what I had experienced. Having someone take me seriously brought me to tears. In fact, all the staff at CUH were incredible and I was so well cared for, despite the clear pressure they were all under.

At first I was isolated as they investigated for TB and when they cleared me for that, my friend and I googled Legionnaires’ disease and became absolutely convinced this must be the cause. But after having biopsies, bronchoscopies, CT scans, X-rays, MRI scans, PET scans, and lung function tests, I received the shocking diagnosis of Stage IV lung cancer with a metastasis to the brain.

I’ll never fully be able to describe how that news lands and the difficulty I had moving forward after it. My sister and my fiancé were with me when I was told, and weirdly, my first thought was to comfort them, but after that, I went into a haze of denial. It was Christmas, which was a blessing in disguise, because it got me out of the house and seeing people. But by January, the full shock of it hit and I really struggled.

Pamela Morrison

I couldn’t eat or sleep or stop crying. All I could think of was everything I had lost. All the dreams that had gone up in smoke overnight. But with the help of the psycho-oncology team, a therapist in the Youghal Cancer Support Centre and the amazing people in my life, I began to emerge from the real, deep darkness.

In some ways I’m lucky, as I had biomarker testing done and because my cancer type is EGFR (epidermal growth factor receptor), I get to use targeted therapy, which I’ve responded well to and have been largely unaffected by bad side-effects. The downside is that they don’t know how long it will stay effective for, as it varies from person to person. I have searched online and have found people who have been using it for anywhere between seven to 16 years, so I’ve printed those out to remind myself what can be possible. I was also put in contact with a wonderful woman in the USA who has been on the EGFR journey for 10 years through a great charity called Immerman’s Angels.

I have never been a smoker, so it just never occurred to me that I could get lung cancer. Learning that it is the leading cause of cancer deaths in women was shocking to me. I can’t believe how little it is spoken about and campaigned for.

‘Learning that it is the leading cause of cancer deaths in women was shocking to me. I can’t believe how little it is spoken about and campaigned for’

Today, my diagnosis remains the same and physically I’m doing quite well. I get to the gym as much as possible and practise lots of yoga. I completed a 10-mile challenge hike and a Quest adventure race in Killarney. I get quite tired, but I just rest when I need to.

I try to stay focused and grateful for what I have instead of thinking of all that I’ve lost, but that can be difficult, so I use meditation to help me stay calm and peaceful. I did a lot of things on my bucket list this year, like skiing, buying a campervan and taking part in a local musical. They all gave me such a lift and so much joy (the singing was like therapy) and I plan to go to Paris next year. In some ways, a lot of this year has been really wonderful. I see everything in a different light now and value things differently: the small things really are the big things.

‘I would advise anyone who has any health concerns to trust themselves if they think something isn’t right’

I’m also quite hopeful as there’s a lot of research happening and amazing things coming down the pipeline. My sister and my friend both work for a company with an incredible-looking drug for lung cancer in late stage clinical trials, so I’m lucky to have an insight into this.

Also, the people in my life have been incredible: friends, family, the local community and even now, a year later, people are still being so kind. The Irish Lung Cancer Community on social media have also been really supportive and will soon have a website, so I would encourage people to check them out.

But most importantly, I would advise anyone who has any health concerns to trust themselves if they think something isn’t right. Ask for a second opinion, be forceful, advocate for yourself and don’t be fobbed off or worry about causing a fuss as you might be saving your own life.

Ask for screenings, X-rays, check-ups and if someone says no, ask them why not — and ask them to note it in your medical file. Don’t worry about being annoying, because let me tell you, finding cancer before it gets to Stage IV is worth not being polite about. And if it turns out that it is nothing, then you get to rest easy knowing you did everything you could for yourself. You know your body, you know when something changes and something doesn’t feel right.

Don’t self-diagnose, like I did, thinking my symptoms were due to allergies or long-Covid. If something changes, check it out fast.”

For more information on lung cancer visit mariekeating.ie

As told to Arlene Harris


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